What I’ve Learned In One Minute…

Hi Friends,

This past week was my birthday and in that, I took a break from everything and had a reset week. This also works well as it lined up with the end of Q1 for the year. I've tried my best to restrict time on social media and spend time being intentional, going on walks and so on.

I believe that while we're in this consumption and engagement media era, now more than ever we need time to ourselves to reset and review where we are and possibly where we could be going. If we don't, we could easily get our minds fixated on particular mindsets and framings without taking the time to see if our energy is actually worth that ideology.

Here are some of the questions I used to reflect, and ones I believe can help you to reflect too:

1. How was the previous quarter, honestly?
2. What goals have you achieved by now?
3. What have you not achieved by now and why?
4. What goals do you still think are worth pursuing?
5. What are some of the mental barriers you're choosing to have in this period?
6. What can you be grateful for now that you have the time to reflect on it?

And from these, here are three of my biggest reflections so far.

Feeling behind and being ahead feel the same emotionally

If you're behind, it feels like everyone else is ahead of you and you're struggling to catch up. But it also means that you have steps ahead of you to follow to get to your success quicker and easier. If you're ahead of everyone, you feel confident and assured in your position, but sooner rather than later it can feel like you're forced to pioneer your own path, filled with uncertainty, doubt and mistakes.

When I came to university in the UK, I felt confident and assured that I could achieve a lot. But when I actually got here, that confidence turned into anxiety because I felt like I had no one to guide me or lead me on the path I wanted to go on. And at the same time, I also felt behind compared to everyone around me, until I realised that most people were probably doing the wrong things anyway, and that I could just follow the people who were doing the right things to catch up quicker.

Anxiety doesn't care whether you're ahead or behind. The leader of the tribe is anxious because he has to find shelter for everyone depending on him. The one left behind is anxious because he has to find where everyone went. Different positions, same uncertainty. There is no better option to be in. There is only accepting the position you are in and moving forward from there.

Build a tent, not a house

When making challenging decisions, career, educational, relationships, we tend to think that we're building houses and not tents. Long term investments we're deeply rooting ourselves in. And because of this, we value them very highly and approach them with as much caution and analysis as possible. And once we've chosen to invest in that venture, if any change would be needed, it would require strenuous effort and an exhaustive exit. However, if we treat them more as tents, temporary adventures and pursuits of the unknown, the risk starts to look more and more like an opportunity. Saying yes to a move across the world looks less like being separated from everyone you love and more like an opportunity to appreciate new cultures and see who you are when you're given the liberty to be seen as an entirely new person. Parting ways with a friendship you knew wasn't serving you well, but you were too scared to leave because you were afraid of being alone, gives you the opportunity to find people who resonate with you and give you energy instead of taking it away.

I think we should be making more tents. Especially when you're young. There is no rush to build a home.

You decide what is a mountain

More often than not, we choose to let the same barriers be our mountains. The challenges we face, especially mentally, are usually the same problem just in a different appearance. Sometimes we think our problems are new but I feel like they're just recycled into whatever situation we're currently in. And because of that, we choose to stay comfortable with the problems we're choosing to have. We are choosing our mountains because we are comfortable with those being the peaks we do not want to climb. In a way, we subconsciously attach them to our identity without even realising it.

Take someone with a fear of abandonment. In their relationship, they won't leave their partner even when they know they should, because they don't feel worthy of someone better. In their career, they won't leave their job even when it's no longer serving them, because they don't know how they'll fit in somewhere new. They don't see it as a fear of abandonment. They just think it's who they are. But it's the same mountain showing up in a different place.

Think about the mountain you're choosing to have. And why isn't it an anthill yet?

TL;DR

I took a reset week for my birthday and it lined up with the end of Q1. Three things came out of that reflection. Where you are, ahead or behind, produces the same anxiety, so accept your position and move. Treat big decisions like tents not houses, especially when you're young. And the problems you keep carrying are usually the same fear recycled. The question is why you're still choosing to keep them.

WINS & LESSONS

Win:

I just want to take a moment to thank God. Genuinely. Thank you for allowing me to turn 23 and for giving me the patience and the space to keep growing. And to everyone reading this, thank you for watching me grow. You are all amazing and I only hope to continue being the best version of myself for you.

Lesson:

Take a week off, you might need it.

QUESTION FOR YOUR THOUGHTS

What mountain have you been choosing to keep, and what would it look like if you finally treated it as an anthill?

Alright that's it from me.

In a bit,

Motheo